


standing in the ashes of who I used to be

by blasphemyincarnate



Series: Call it Burning [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angels, Bible, Bible Quotes, Catholicism, Christianity, Churches & Cathedrals, Foreshadowing, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, John Winchester Lives, Just a couple - Freeform, Not everyone lives, Religion, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Resurrected John Winchester, Season/Series 08, Sermons, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Symbolism, angel - Freeform, second is more accurate, which is apparently not a pre-existing tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 16:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19135483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemyincarnate/pseuds/blasphemyincarnate
Summary: John Winchester wakes up in a church, listening to a preacher talking about acceptance.





	standing in the ashes of who I used to be

**Author's Note:**

> title from Halsey’s Angel on Fire (which I have never heard, I think the title is very fitting though!)

“...start with Romans 14:10-19. ‘You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt?’ And I’m sure we all know Mark 12;31. ‘The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.’ So why, brothers do we scorn those different from us? Why, sisters, do we use the words of God like they are weapons to be thrown? Why do we do these things?”

John Winchester’s eyes snapped open. The pastor (pastor?) continued speaking, but he wasn’t listening anymore. Where was he? He had gone to sleep after an amazing day. Sam had just been born a few months ago-

No. Wait. That couldn’t be right. Sam was… Sam was almost twenty three.

Why did John think he’d just been born? What had happened?

How old was Dean? Dean was twenty seven. But the last time John saw him, he was three.

That couldn’t be right.

John frowned, trying to remember. Why was he sitting in a church again?

“...and the idea of God, our forgiving God, our merciful and loving and gracious God, hating anyone is just, preposterous. So, why do people believe it? That, brothers and sisters, is the work of the devil. A demon’s favorite trick is…”

It all came rushing back.

Demons. The truck. The hospital. 

His deal.

His  _ deal _ . He had died - definitely. He remembered going to Hell (not what happened there, thank  _ God _ ). And he remembers cowering in a corner when the demons stopped, and turned, and ran. And he followed. He followed because, for the first time in so many years, he saw white light.

And John ran towards that white light, and he was in the graveyard with his boys and the Yellow-Eyed demon was there and John tackled him-

-and then he was waking up, yawning, mumbling “it’s your turn” into Mary’s hair at the ungodly hour of four AM. And Mary looked at him, earnest and pleading, and so he went to calm little Sammy down. And the baby cooed at him and went back to sleep after being shushed and John went back to sleep too and woke up properly five hours later. And then he lived through that day and he kept living for God knows how long. A second white light-

-and he was sitting here. Listening to this pastor, sitting in the pew farthest from the lectern. His row was empty besides him, the only that was. All the other pews were filled.

That must’ve been Heaven. But where was he now?

John looked around again, then quietly stood up to leave. He had never been a religious man. Any good God worth worshiping would’ve done something about all the hurt in the world. 

As he tried to slide out, a young woman sat down right in his path. She looked to be about college age, with true-red hair. 

“Sorry, miss,” John said, voice hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I’m not sure this is quite the right sermon for me.”

She turned and looked up at him, and he did a double take. There were fading burn scars around her unnaturally bright eyes, and a cut across her right eyebrow. “If you don’t have somewhere else to be,” and god, something about her voice was startling. “I think this is a good sermon for anyone.”

John smiled politely. “So it is, but I have somewhere else to be.”

She shrugged and pulled her legs in. Her jeans were genuinely ripped, and looked like she’d fallen in a muddy forest a couple times. “If you insist.”

“I do.” He inched past her, and was almost out the door when she called out again.

“Wait.” John looked back at her. “Please remember, John. Times change, and so do people.” She looked at him, earnest and pleading.

He nodded once curtly and walked out of the church. 

John didn’t even realize why rusty his reflexes were until he was walking down the street, looking for a car to hijack. He caught sight of a newspaper stand, and walked over to see what it could tell him.

It told him this was almost definitely Earth, and that it was six years after he had died.

But even so, he didn’t realize how rusty his reflexes were until afterwards. Afterwards, when he was on the I-70, on his way to Bobby’s house.

It was crystal clear. John had just driven past an exit sign, and a flock of birds was flying above when it hit him. 

He had never told the girl his name.


End file.
